Pain Induced Hallucinations
by ShamelessSpocker
Summary: Prequel number one of two to "Desert Christmas". Jim and Spock are tapdancing their way around a working relationship while trying to make a friendship too. Some things are going better than others. A peek into the workings of their days. ST AU, K/S pre-slash. Fourteen chapters.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I wanted to back up a bit from "Desert Christmas" and see just how the boys got to where they were. This is where it led me. Gene Roddenberry gave us Star Trek and JJ Abrams revised it for us. These are their worlds. I'm just playing. If you recognize it, it's not mine.

* * *

Jim threw a mighty punch at the being in front of himself and jerked his head to one side to avoid its answering throw. All around him, Starfleet personnel were fighting, hand-to-hand instead of with weapons on Jim's orders, because Starfleet wasn't really supposed to be there to begin with. The creatures weren't armed, so they were on even footing.

That is, until he heard someone shout, "MR. SPOCK!" Jim whirled around and saw Spock standing very still, left hand hovering over his waist. No – more specifically, over his heart. A knife hilt moved sluggishly with every breath he took.

Jim faltered and walked forward, barely registering the fact that the natives had all stepped back and were watching him intently. Barnes, the science officer accompanying Spock on this mission, was frantically calling for beam-out. The other officers were held captive by the horror of the situation.

"Spock?" Jim began. "Don't move. How bad is it?"

Spock blinked and looked down slowly, trying to control his breathing. "I do not believe it is in my heart, Captain. I am in no major distress. However, its proximity suggests I should not make any sudden moves, lest the blade come in contact with the organ."

Jim circled the man warily. "Okay, leave it in or pull it out?"

"No!" cried Jerrell. He was the only other member familiar with Vulcan anatomy. "Leave it. Let Doctor McCoy get it out. He's going to bleed pretty bad when it does come out. There are a lot of blood vessels in that region, not to mention the major arteries and veins running in and out of the heart. Mr. Spock, can you control your blood flow enough to slow it down for a while?"

Spock swallowed and took another hesitant breath. "I have attempted to do so, Lieutenant Jerrell, however having been in hand-to-hand combat for twenty-six minutes is making the process more difficult." Spock raised his eyes and looked at the captain. "It is ironic; I thought the phrase was 'brought a knife to a gun fight', but I may have been mistaken. They brought a knife to a fist fight."

Jim choked on his bitter laugh. "Spock, you're going to be fine. Dammit, Barnes, what the hell is taking so long? Why isn't the _Enterprise_ answering?"

Barnes broke off from his chant and shook the communicator. "I have no clue, Captain. I could swear the signal's getting through, but no one's answering." He looked around. "Captain, why are they just standing there?"

The beings they were fighting, Walghras, if Jim remembered correctly, had stopped fighting and were now watching everything happening before them. When the crew turned to stare at them, the leader stepped forward and pointed at Ensign March, who was carrying the Universal Translator. She raised the machine and nodded.

The creature spoke and the machine spat out "Being hurt?"

Jim nodded. "Yes. Hurt bad." He waited for the translator to turn that around.

There was a longer sentence and the machine returned the phrase "Being more important than fight?"

Jim sputtered and without thinking shouted "Hell yes he's more important than this fight! I didn't want to fight you in the first place! We just got lost, we were looking for a medicinal plant and we came across you and we just want to leave and we can't even leave!" He broke off for breath and realized he was close to tears.

The being stepped forward and everyone took a step closer to the captain. "Cry not. Help," the translator spoke. One being walked out of the brush and returned a moment later with a plant. "Chew," the command came, and the being held up a stalk to Spock.

"Captain?" Spock replied, looking uneasily at the unidentified plant.

"Barnes, scan it," Jim ordered. Barnes did so and he shrugged.

"Non-toxic to most humanoids," he began.

"This isn't just any humanoid!" Jim snapped. He reined in his temper and tried again. "Is it safe for Vulcans?"

"Yes sir," Barnes replied. He stepped away.

Jim shook his head at Spock. "It's up to you. Remember we're ever-so-slightly out of touch right now so if it's poisonous we have no recourse."

Spock nodded. Then he raised his hand and took the plant. He put it in his mouth and began to chew on the plant.

"Blood thick," a being told them.

"Of course," Spock replied to Jim. "This plant must affect the coagulation of the blood. It may not be effective on my hybrid makeup; however I would like to see the plant tested for other species."

"Why are you helping us?" Jim asked the leader.

There was a long pause and Jim began to wonder if the Universal Translator had botched that question. But then the leader came and touched another being on the shoulder.

"Brother," the machine told them. Then the being pointed between Jim and Spock and said, "Brother."

"Yes," Jim answered. "But we're all brothers," he told them, making a sweeping gesture to his whole party.

There was a nod, and the being spoke. "Honorable."

Jim's communicator sparked to life. "_Enterprise_ to Captain Kirk!" He snapped it open.

"Talk to me, Scotty!"

"Ach, sir, tha vegetation! Couldja step maybe twenty feet or so to tha east?"

Jim was already shaking his head. "Scotty, we've got a medical emergency. I need you to pull Spock back right now and have McCoy standing by."

"Wha's new? Gimme a second." There was a pause and after a couple of silent minutes lights began to dance around Spock. "There we go. Good God A'mighty! Don' move, lad!" Scotty declared as Spock materialized on the ship. "Is anyone else hurt?"

"No, Scotty. We'll move so you can get the rest of us easier. Wait one." Jim motioned the group over to the side and they found a large clearing. "Scotty, five to beam up." The lights covered them and then they were gone.

The ship had gone through this before. When the captain was hurt, Spock would check in every five seconds until the captain was released from Sickbay. Last time Spock had been hurt, Jim had wandered in and out of Sickbay so much that McCoy had threatened to give him his own biobed. The two were becoming inseparable. But this time an hour passed and no Jim. Spock came out of surgery four hours later and still, no Jim.

McCoy got Spock settled on the biobed and walked over to Nurse Chapel, lowering his voice. "Has the captain been in?"

"No sir," she answered quietly.

"Has he called?" he asked. She shook her head. "Does that boy understand his second-in-command just about took a knife to the heart?" McCoy hissed. He stalked over to a machine. "Computer, locate Captain Kirk."

"_Captain Kirk is in his quarters."_

"There had better be blood and guts when I get there," McCoy told himself. "Chapel, I'm going to see the captain. Keep an eye on Spock, and for God's sake don't let him get up. I haven't got that much T-negative blood left if he starts bleeding again." The man stormed out of Sickbay.


	2. Chapter 2

Captain Kirk stared morosely at the glass of Saurian brandy. He hadn't had a sip to drink; it had just sat on his desk while he ruminated. He couldn't bring himself to drink it. The last time he'd had a drink on duty Spock had given him that frown, the one that clearly said _I wish you wouldn't do that_. He had gotten as far as pouring the drink this time and that was it. It sat on the desk, staring back.

The door chime sounded and Jim wanted to ignore it but he was really supposed to be on the bridge. He hit the button to open the door.

"Enter."

McCoy stomped in but when he saw Jim's face his anger began to evaporate. "I have the Sickbay report ready," he began, wishing he could have kept his frustration. But Jim looked devastated, and McCoy could never stay mad at him when he knew the man was hurting.

"Oh, okay. Go on, Bones." Jim carefully poured the glass back in the decanter and put it away.

McCoy leaned against a bulkhead, giving the captain a thorough visual examination. "Well, there's only one casualty at the moment. We both know who that is. I did four hours of surgery to repair some arterial damage and to fix some deep tissue damage. Prognosis looks good. But nobody's come to see the commander since he got out of surgery." McCoy shrugged. "Not that that's the captain's job or anything."

"Yeah, I know, I'll go check on him," Jim sighed.

"Jimmy-boy, what is going on with you? Usually you two are in each others' breathing space until the other is released from Sickbay and now Spock could have died and it's like the Arctic between you two. What in the Sam Hill happened down there? What spooked you?"

Jim gave a half-shrug and looked at the carpet. "I cheated on you, Bones."

There was a snort. "I didn't know we were going steady. Go on."

"I've called you my brother since the third semester of Academy," Jim began. "I'm closer to you than I am to my own flesh-and-blood brother on Deneva. I've always sworn the word 'brother' would be sacred to me, just the two of you." He cracked his knuckles and fell silent.

"Something changed that?" McCoy prodded.

Jim grunted. "The leader of the Walghras recognized a brother-type relationship between me and Spock, and it startled me, and I ended up telling him we were all brothers. It sounded good at the time, and they called it honorable. But dammit, Bones, Spock _is_ like a brother to me. And I feel like I've cheated on you," he repeated finally.

McCoy scratched at his perpetual stubble and thought about it for a while. Then he gave an exaggerated shrug. "So what? So you're brothers with Spock too. Doesn't hurt my feelings, Jim. I could have told you that myself a while back. You two gelled in a way nobody saw coming." The medic came closer and lowered his voice. "I heard someone in the Admiralty refer to you and Spock as the best damn Command team they've ever had. For two beings who started out kicking each others' asses from here to Kingdom Come and back, I'd say that's some pretty spiffy progress."

There was no move from the leader and finally McCoy _tsked_ and turned around. "Spock will be out of Sickbay soon. He loves it there just as much as you do, and I'd rather not get him excited if I can help it. You know where Sickbay is; you know where his quarters are. I'll leave it up to you. Take care, Jim."

Jim was still thinking when he heard the door hiss closed and his friend was gone. He shook himself and turned to go to the bridge.

When the turbolift deposited him on the bridge, he started out for the communications station when the ever-cheerful navigator waved at him.

"Keptain! How is ze commander?" Chekov called.

Jim took a second to lament the fact that he couldn't lie to the little cherub of an officer. "I haven't made it to Sickbay yet," he replied. "It's on my to-do list."

Uhura turned from her station and looked at Chekov. "He's out of surgery. He lost two pints of blood so he'll be weak for a bit but he didn't have to go in a healing trance so he should be up by Gamma shift." She turned her head and glared at the captain. "Some of us know how to _call_ Sickbay."

Jim narrowed his eyes at the woman. True, she was Spock's girlfriend, but that didn't give her the right to be insubordinate. Their eyes locked and there was a staring contest before she lowered her gaze and returned to her board.

"Report, Lieutenant."

She handed a disc to the captain. "Starfleet Command has responded to your report. We have new orders."

"Thank you." Jim hesitated, then turned back. "If your Beta officer doesn't mind taking the rest of your shift, you can go be with Spock."

She looked up, feeling guilty for her earlier harshness. "Thank you, Captain." She called her relief and tidied up the station before she was excused and she hurried into the turbolift. When she got to Sickbay, she walked in and looked around. Spock was in the far corner. He seemed to be asleep, but when she was within a foot of his bed his eyes opened.

"Lieutenant."

She smiled and came closer. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

"It is still one hour, twenty-three minutes until Alpha shift is over." He left the question of why she was there unspoken.

"Captain Kirk let me call my relief early so I could come be with you," she explained. She sat beside him.

"The captain was on the bridge?" he asked quickly. She nodded. "Is he well?"

Uhura frowned. "He's fine, Spock. Why wouldn't he be?"

"He has not come to … take my report," he finished slowly. "Perhaps he will arrive during Beta shift."

"You can say it," Uhura muttered. "He hasn't come to see you. You two have a habit of keeping tabs on each other when you're injured. Well he seemed to think his place was on the bridge, which it is. If someone needs to check on you, your girlfriend can do that."

When 1600 rolled around, Jim turned over the conn to the next officer and left the bridge. He started to head for Sickbay, but then turned around and returned to his quarters. Locking the door by voice command, he turned on the computer and pulled up a playlist. The song began and he stripped out of his uniform and threw on a t-shirt and blue jeans. He plopped down at his desk and put his feet up.

The door chime had to compete with the music to be heard, but the second time it sounded Jim caught it and called for the override. He pushed the button for the door.

"Enter," he called.

McCoy stepped in and grimaced. "Phil Collins? Again? _Now_ what are you depressed about?"

"Phil isn't depressing. I'm not depressed. This is Genesis anyway," Jim insisted.

"Jim, listen to the lyrics. _If you take the tears from crying eyes, will the hurt just disappear?_ You've always listened to this crap when something's bugging you. You can either tell me as your friend or you can tell me as your CMO. Your choice." He sat at the desk with Jim.

Jim frowned. "Some choice. You want happy?" he threatened, and pressed several buttons on the computer. The music changed.

"_Shiny happy people holding hands!"_ the singers proclaimed. _"Shiny happy people laughing!"_

"Jesus Christ, turn it off!" McCoy gasped. Jim did so and the medic wiggled a finger in his ear. "You and your ancient music. I'm surprised Spock hasn't asked for soundproofing in your quarters." When Spock's name was mentioned Jim's face shifted and he tried to hide it but he couldn't. Not from his best friend.

"Okay, so it's something with Spock," McCoy began. "Let's play Twenty Questions. Is it personal or professional?"

"Personal. He's been outstanding professionally."

"Is it your problem or his?"

Jim hesitated. "I think it's my problem."

McCoy _hummed_. "Is it permanent or temporary?"

"It sure _feels_ permanent," Jim sighed.

"I got it," McCoy jumped in. "You're still pining over Uhura and you can't stand how close they are."

Jim snorted. "Yeah, that's it," he replied sarcastically. "I'm after Uhura." He turned the music back on again. This time, Metallica was singing a cover of the song 'Turn the Page'.

McCoy sat there, glaring at his best friend. When nothing else happened he stood up. "There's gonna come a time when you're going to need Spock, and you're going to have to get over this funk in a hurry. I know you're pretty bullheaded when you get your sights set on something, but I think Uhura and Spock are the real deal. They'll probably get married any day now. For the love of God, Jim, move on. You're worth more than this."

Jim nodded and McCoy left. When he was gone, Jim returned the music to the Genesis playlist. The door chimed again and he pushed the button with his back to the door, expecting it to be McCoy again.

"What do you want? You know, you can't enforce happiness. I'm fine, why don't you leave me alone?"

"Captain?" the voice sounded barely over the music, and Jim spun around.


	3. Chapter 3

"Spock! What are you doing out of bed? Does Bones know you're out of Sickbay? Get your scrawny ass in here!" Jim helped the officer to a chair and when he was seated he shut off the music. "You look like shit, Spock, are you alright?"

"I was unaware that I resembled fecal matter, however I am improving. I did not obtain Dr. McCoy's permission to leave the medical bay. As per our agreement, I knew you would not 'rat' on me." Spock took a shallow breath.

Jim and Spock had confided in each other over a chess game of their mutual dislike for Sickbay, and had made a pact that if one was injured, he could hide in the other's quarters from McCoy. It was usually Jim holed up in Spock's room, but sometimes the tables were reversed.

Jim grabbed a glass, blew the imaginary dust out of it, and put it in the replicator, dialing up water. When he came back, Spock was trying to sneak a glance at Jim's computer. Jim handed him the water and gestured to the equipment.

"Something catch your eye?"

"What was the song that was playing when I entered?" Spock asked quietly.

Jim scrolled back. "Genesis. 'No Son of Mine'. It was originally recorded by the group in 1991. That's Phil Collins you heard singing."

"Will you repeat the song please?" Spock requested. Jim's jaw opened but he did it. The song played and Jim watched his First Officer staring into space. When it clicked over to the next song, Jim lowered the volume and raised his hands palm-up.

"What did you think?"

"The song made me remember entering Starfleet." Spock looked at a point over Jim's shoulder and Jim remained frozen. His First rarely talked about his past. When he did, it was usually heavy. "I recalled my mother and father arguing about my decision, and my father threatening to disown me. My mother informed him if he did so he would lose her as well. He did not dare call her bluff, and so I was not rejected completely. However, my father did not speak to me again until … _it_ happened."

It had been six months, and Spock was still unable to speak the name of the madman who had destroyed his planet and nearly wiped out his people in one diabolical move. Jim knew, since he was the commanding officer, that Spock had been in mandatory counseling. He had just been released last week, as a matter of fact. Jim didn't blame him for not wanting to speak Nero's name. The bastard didn't deserve the recognition.

"Do you speak now?" Jim found himself asking, and wanted to kick his own ass for his familiarity.

Spock gave a small shrug, a move Jim had never seen him do before. "I call, but for the most part he is occupied with assisting the Vulcan people to recover from this tragedy. He is in high demand now."

Jim frowned. "But he could call you when it was convenient for him!"

Spock shook his head. "The ship and New Vulcan are on different time schedules. New Vulcan is eight hours behind ship's time, so six in the evening for him is ten in the morning here. I would be on duty."

Jim gritted his teeth. "Unless we're in the middle of a mission, I think you can talk to him. I'll excuse you personally. Why don't you call him tomorrow? Have a chat, father to son?" Jim minimized the music player on the computer and pulled up the duty roster. With a few clicks of the mouse, the Beta officer was moved up to Alpha shift and Spock took Beta. "There. You've got Beta tomorrow. Call your dad."

Spock blinked at his commanding officer. "The duty roster does not allow for personal frivolities. You should not have done that."

Jim shrugged lazily. "That's thing two million, twenty five thousand, three hundred and eighty four you've told me I'm not supposed to do," he told the man. "Hasn't stopped me yet."

Spock opened his mouth to respond smartly when he thought twice and closed it. Then he nodded once. "Thank you, Captain."

"Jim," Jim corrected. "We're not on duty, so you can call me Jim."

Spock's cheekbones began to color a light green shade, and Jim realized he'd never seen the other man blush either.

"It would not be appropriate to refer to my commanding officer by his first name."

"Spock," Jim began with a sigh, "we're going to be on this ship together for five years. I'd like to think that sometime along the way we're going to become friends. And friends call each other by their first name. Which … uh … speaking of which, what is your first name?"

Spock looked away. "I suppose you would consider Spock to be my first name, in your reckoning."

"Oh. Then what's your last name?"

Spock made a noise in the back of his throat while moving his lips. Jim just stared at him. "That is my family's 'last' name."

"Wow." Jim shook his head. "No wonder y'all go by your first names. Okay. Um, I'm going to call you Spock, and you can call me anything you want, except for things like Buster, or Kid, or Sport. I'll clock you if you do that."

"Does Dr. McCoy not already refer to you by those terms?"

Jim laughed. "Yeah, but he's just fucking with me. He doesn't mean anything by it."

"The doctor is fornicating with you?" Spock questioned.

"He's doing what? No, Spock, fucking with me, you know, screwing with me? Uh, messing with me?" Jim stammered for a moment. "Goofing? Playing? Help me out here, Spock."

Spock had understood the term 'fucking with' from the beginning, however he was horrible when it came to tricking other beings into explaining themselves. It was a weakness he had picked up in Academy, when his first roommate had mistaken his unfamiliarity with the Standard language with being mentally delayed.

"Ah. The doctor is being friendly by calling you names by which you wish not to be referred? What purpose does that serve, Captain?"

Jim ran a hand down his face. "Never mind."

There was just the sound of music in the room until Spock cleared his throat. "I believe now is when I am supposed to tell you I am fucking with you, Jim."

Spock had expected Jim to be angry. What he didn't expect was for Jim to whoop loudly and throw his arms around him.

"SPOCK! You rascal, that was awesome! You _do_ have a sense of humor!" He hugged Spock tightly and sat back. "See now, _now_ is when I can see why Uhura's mad for you." A sudden awkwardness sprang up around them and neither made eye contact with the other.

Spock took a breath and felt his side. Dr. McCoy's repairs had held through the attack, which was fortunate. He did not wish to repeat the surgery process. Then he turned back to face the silent captain.

"What song is playing now?" Spock asked, as if the last statement had never been uttered.

Jim turned to the computer, grateful for the distraction. He minimized the duty roster again and pulled up the music player. "Uh, still Genesis, this is 'Dreaming While You Sleep'."

"What is it about?" Spock continued. He just wanted Jim to feel comfortable again.

"Near as I can tell, the guy falls asleep behind the wheel of the car and hits a woman in the street." Jim played with the mouse for a bit. "I don't always know. This whole album was recorded in 1991, so it's got references in it that don't apply anymore." Jim finally made eye contact. "Like that one – our aircars have alarms and sensors to prevent accidents, but I guess combustion engine cars didn't have them back then. So he hit her, and she's in a coma forever because of him."

Spock sat back for a while, gauging whether his question would cause strife. Then he forged ahead. "Why do you listen to such discouraging music?" Jim snickered, and Spock frowned. "Jim, I am serious. Why do you listen to music that has such a negative message? Does it not dampen your spirits?"

"I know you're serious, Spock. Bones asks me the same thing. In fact, any time I play Genesis or Phil Collins he locks up the liquor and hands me a handkerchief. But it doesn't depress me! I think it's awesome music. It makes me feel closer to people who aren't here anymore," he commented obliquely. In truth, his father had left this in his collection of music and Jim had listened to it since he was a baby, trying to get to know a father he would never see. Privately, Jim wondered if Spock had any rituals that reminded him of his mother. But it was still too new. He couldn't ask.


	4. Chapter 4

Spock's communicator went off, and both froze.

"I think Bones found you," Jim exclaimed.

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. Please remain silent." Spock pulled out the device and flipped it open. "Spock."

"Spock, where are you? You're not in Sickbay and I'm standing at your door and you're not answering. Are you okay?" It was Uhura. Jim exhaled slowly and made a shooing motion toward the door.

"Go," Jim whispered.

Spock nodded and stood slowly, only to put his hand to his side and sit back down. Jim was beside him in a second.

"You're hurt again," whispered the captain.

"What? Who's there? Who's hurt? Speak up."

Spock and Jim ignored her and Spock pulled up his shirts slowly. There was a deep forest green mark the size of a fist under his skin, and it was spreading.

Jim took the communicator and closed it, tucking it in his pants. "Okay, Spock, we're going back to Sickbay. Come on." Jim draped Spock's arm over his shoulders and helped him stand, which was harder than it looked because Spock was a couple of inches taller than the other man. But they got him to his feet and Jim led him to the door.

As they entered the hallway, Uhura spotted them and pounced. "What's wrong? What did you do, Kirk? Get away from him!" she hissed.

"Uhura, don't get your panties in a bunch. He was fine and then he couldn't stand. I didn't _do_ anything. Now unless you can carry him, I suggest you get out of my way." Jim moved past her swiftly. She trailed them to Sickbay.

When the trio entered the medical facility, they didn't have to wait. Nurse Chapel saw them and called for McCoy as she guided Jim and Spock to a biobed.

"What's wrong?" she asked gently.

"I believe I may be bleeding again," Spock breathed.

"He is," Jim confirmed. He helped the nurse take off Spock's shirts and didn't even flinch when she pulled down Spock's pants. He took the bundles and put them in the chair. "Hey, you're alright," Jim told his friend.

"He was in Kirk's quarters when he got hurt," Uhura bitched.

McCoy rushed up, observing the readout on the biobed. "Okay, Spock, you're going to have to go back under the knife, and I'm not for sure how much blood it's going to take. I need you to slow your bleeding as much as you can right now." He palpitated the region where the blood was pooling. "Were you doing anything strenuous when it happened?"

"He was in Kirk's room," Uhura repeated forcefully.

McCoy turned to the woman, obviously annoyed. "I know where he was, Lieutenant. I know where these two are every second of the day. I didn't ask him where he was. I asked him what he did." He turned back around to the men. "Did you do anything strenuous?"

"No." Spock was occupied with his biofeedback.

"I hugged him," Jim admitted softly. "Not on his waist, just on his shoulders. He was sitting the whole time he was with me. We just listened to music and talked."

"Okay. I may not have closed everything. Keep working on the blood flow and I'll prep surgery. You staying, Jim?" McCoy was still speaking as he walked across the bay.

Jim finally registered that the woman who was probably Spock's future wife was standing at the foot of the bed. "Uh, I think I'd better not," he began.

"What?" McCoy called from across the room.

"_No_," Jim called out.

"_Yes_," Spock replied. "Captain, do not feel this is in any way your fault. I left Sickbay of my own volition. I bear responsibility for the result. Do not leave. Please." He abandoned his biofeedback exercise and his heart rate and respiration spiked. Twin alarms rang out from the console and McCoy was back in an instant.

"Dammit, what did you do, Jim?"

Jim held his hands up. "I told him I shouldn't stay and the alarms went off."

"Okay, CMO order. Captain, you're staying put. Uhura, I need you move." McCoy stood back as Chapel pushed an antigrav stretcher beside Spock's bed. "Jim, you want to help? Up and over, one smooth motion. Grab the sheets under him." McCoy instructed Jim quickly. "Ready? One, two, three, up!" They lifted the Vulcan and moved him to the stretcher. McCoy pressed two hypos into Spock's bare shoulder and moments later the Vulcan's eyes drifted closed.

Jim risked running a hand across Spock's muscular shoulder. "Hang tight, buddy," he whispered as McCoy and Chapel moved him across the bay to the surgical suite. Jim watched them until the sterilization doors buzzed shut. He picked up Spock's uniform and began to fold it on the biobed carefully.

Uhura looked from the closed doors to the man standing beside her and back for a while, plotting her next move. Then she had a brainstorm. "You hugged him?" she began slowly.

Jim nodded absentmindedly. "He caught me off guard. He told a joke and it just made me really happy."

"You realize that could be construed as an inappropriate sexual advance."

Jim put down the thermal top and turned to face her. His face was slack with surprise and his mouth opened a couple of times with nothing coming out. Finally he found his voice.

"I think if I made an inappropriate sexual advance on your boyfriend he would tie my nutsack around my neck and shove me out an airlock. Spock is a lot of things, Uhura, but helpless is not one of them. If he tells me it was wrong, I won't do it again. He didn't say anything when I did it, so I think he knew it was a bro hug and nothing romantic."

"Well _I'm _telling you it was wrong. You need to start respecting him, and us, or I will make an official complaint." Uhura straightened her uniform. "I'm sure you have other things to do tonight. You can leave. I'll stay with Spock."

Jim shivered from the sheer act of withholding his comments and nodded, stalking past her and out of the bay. He made it to his room and threw a fierce punch at the bulkhead. His knuckles bled from the impact. Then he sat down at the computer and called the only person who would understand.

After five minutes, the call connected. Solion was not surprised to receive the call. Only Jim and a few select others knew the true identity of Solion, who in another lifetime had gone by the name Spock and served on the USS _Enterprise_ under another Captain James T. Kirk. In this world, he was an ambassador and the secret support system to this Jim.

"Jim?" He blinked at the screen. "Is something the matter?"

"You made this big deal about us working together and it was supposed to be epic, well tell me, did you factor in a stark raving bitch to the equation?" Jim spat.

Solion leaned back. "James, you are obviously greatly disturbed. Have you been drinking?"

Jim was still seeing red. "No. The thought crossed my mind, _believe me_ the thought crossed my mind. But I was planning on spending the night in Sickbay with our mutual friend when his beloved accused me of molesting him and threatened to bring charges if I showed my face again. Epic friendship? In the words of the immortal Dr. Phil, _how's that working for you?_" He ran his fingers through his hair.

"First things first. You are bleeding, James. Go tend to your wounds. I will wait here." Solion picked up a padd and made himself comfortable. More than thirty years of being the bondmate of a human had taught him a thing or two.

Jim glanced at his knuckles and sighed. "Hang on. Lemme get a washcloth." He went into the bathroom and returned with a clean cloth wrapped around his hand. "I'm back."

"Very well. Next order of business. I want you to explain to me exactly what occurred that put you in this state of mind. Do not bother to censure yourself; I will translate as you go along."

By now Jim was beginning to deflate. The anger was slowly ebbing away and a cold depression was flowing in. He took a shaking breath and began with the mission to Gafalas, including Spock's life-threatening injury, and then explained the bonding session they'd had. He told him honestly about the hug and Spock's reaction, and then moved on to the rush back to Sickbay and ended with Uhura's threat. Then he cursed at least five different gods before falling silent.

Solion was shocked, to say the least. He was still trying to wrap his mind around his counterpart having a relationship with the woman who, in his universe, had been his best friend. But this new development was beyond the pale.

"Lieutenant Uhura directly threatened to bring charges against you?" Solion exclaimed. Jim could only nod. His head was pounding now, and he was sure his blood pressure was through the roof. Solion tilted his head. "Would my counterpart not need to bring the charges himself? He is not a child, he is capable of speaking on his own behalf."

Jim went still and cursed himself for not thinking of that before. "I thought, you know, since she's his girlfriend …."

Solion shook his head. "Not even on Vulcan would the unattached romantic interest of a man be capable of bringing such charges without his input. I am aware there are differences in our universes but I still insist Starfleet would hesitate to accept such an accusation without a definitive statement from the victim. Spock would not testify against you."

"You're right about one thing, old man. The worlds are completely different. You're sure this never happened in your universe?"

Solion didn't even have to access his memory. "I am positive, James. My Lieutenant Uhura was a close friend but nothing more, and was certainly not this predatory. My bondmate would have never stood for it at any rate." Solion had never mentioned that his bondmate had been Jim Kirk.

Jim propped his head in his hands. "What pisses me off, dude, is the fact that when she said it, _I felt guilty._ The intellectual part of me insisted I had done nothing wrong, but deep inside there was this little voice whispering '_Are you sure?_'" Jim's communicator went off and he picked it up, wincing at the pain in his grip. "Kirk."

"_Jim, could you kindly come back to Sickbay? I thought I gave you an order."_

Jim closed his eyes for a moment and felt a wave of exhaustion. "Yeah, Bones, I'll be right there." He closed the device. "I gotta go, Solion. I'm really sorry I bothered you."

Solion shook his head again. "Do not apologize, Jim. I am only thankful I was able to be there when you needed me. Please keep me informed. I am concerned for you, not only for this false charge, but for your emotional security in your position aboard the ship. You have my home and office numbers. Please do not hesitate to contact me again. Peace and long life, Jim."

"Live long and prosper, Solion." Jim cut the connection and got up slowly, feeling much older than his young years. He threw the bloodied cloth on the table and walked out to Sickbay.


	5. Chapter 5

When the doors parted, he was greeted with a collage of sights. In one corner, there was a young ensign who apparently had food poisoning or a virus or something. Nurse Ollay was holding a basin in front of him and wiping his brow. To another side of the bay, Nurse Chapel was putting a splint on an engineer's arm. But the center – the center was what held his attention.

Spock was sitting up in bed with a death glare on his face, but it was directed at his girlfriend. She was directing her own laser shots at Jim. Dr. McCoy was on the other end of the biobed, and turned around when he saw Uhura's look.

"Jim, come here please." McCoy was being polite, which didn't bode well. Jim felt like a school kid called before the principal. He sidled up to the group.

"Hey guys." Jim smiled weakly.

"Jim, I don't often use a CMO order on you, mainly because I want you to respect me when I finally do it. But I gave you an order. I wanted you here when Spock woke up. Where the hell were you?"

Jim decided to tell a half-truth. "Lieutenant Uhura wanted me to leave. It's her boyfriend, after all."

McCoy crossed his arms. "So that overrides my orders? Sure, she's his girlfriend. You're his CO, and I thought you were his friend. The man asked you politely to stay, and I gave you an order. I'm disappointed, Jim."

Jim turned his face away from the disconcerted look on his best friend's face and focused on the patient. The second their eyes locked, Spock's look changed.

"How you holding up?" Jim asked.

"I am understandably confused, Captain." The title was like a slap in the face. "I thought you would stay. However, my wishes are not the problem. You disobeyed a direct order of the Chief Medical Officer. You are aware that, should he wish, he may now bring you up on charges."

"Yeah, get in line," Jim sighed. At Spock's questioning stare he shook his head. "Never mind. I'm sorry. I was trying to do the right thing for you. Are you okay now?"

McCoy grabbed a padd and skimmed it. "Well, it turns out the clotting factor given by the plant only lasts a short time. We thought we'd patched everything up the first time because he stopped bleeding. But when the agent wore off he sprung a leak, to put it bluntly. I ended up using my last package of T-negative blood in the surgery, so as of this moment Mr. Spock is off-duty and S-I-Q."

"S-I-Q?!" Jim exclaimed. It was a pretty severe move to list a crewmember as being 'sick in quarters'.

"You would restrict me to my bed?" Spock demanded.

"Spock, if you bleed again I can't replace it. Scotty's going to have to get us in the general vicinity of New Vulcan so we can restock, because you've gone through a year's supply in six months. Of course, being the First Officer to _this_ knucklehead, I should expect nothing less." McCoy softened. "Now, whatever you two were fighting about, kiss and make up. Jim, grab a seat or grab a bed because I need you to stay here until I can release the hobgoblin to his quarters. Uhura, I appreciate you being here but I'm going to declare visiting hours over. You can come back tomorrow when you're off-duty."

Jim imagined Uhura wanting to dip him in acid, slowly and repeatedly. She took a deep breath.

"Let me get this straight. I can't stay with Spock but Captain Fearless is _ordered_ to?" Uhura glared at the CMO.

McCoy was unrepentant. "Short of putting Commander Spock in security restraints, which you remember as well as I do how futile that is, I have no other way of keeping him in bed. Uhura, it's _critical_ that he remain still. Some people want a stuffed animal when they're sick. Some people want a good book. Spock, for some reason, wants Bonehead here with him. I don't see anything wrong with it."

"Nyota, please. I will await your visit tomorrow afternoon." Spock looked at his beloved patiently. She spared a moment to pretend he was giving her puppy dog eyes. Then she returned to reality.

"Remember this. You will, with your eidetic recall. When you ask why, remember this moment." With that ominous proclamation she swept out of the bay.

McCoy sighed and pulled the two curtains so Spock and Jim's beds were enclosed together. "You boys get to have a sleepover, _yay!_" He tapped Jim's communicator. "Scotty's already been informed he has the conn tomorrow, and he's going to make the formal request for orders to New Vulcan." Then he crossed his arms. "Jim-boy, I'm deathly serious. I wasn't dicking with you when I gave you that order. Piss me off again, and I'll make a report." He waved and walked away, leaving the curtains swishing.

Spock waited for a moment, and then gave into his curiosity. "Jim, what did you mean when I said the doctor could bring charges and you replied, 'get in line'?"

Jim crawled onto the biobed and winced as an alarm went off. He smacked the control and shut the system off, getting comfortable. "It's a long story, Spock."

"I will not require sleep for another thirty-six hours," Spock replied seriously. "I have the time now if you do."

"Sure," Jim sighed. "I've got all the time in the world." He lay down on his side propped himself up on an elbow.

"Jim," Spock began, "what occurred with your right hand?"

Jim lifted his head and looked at the injured appendage. "It was stupid. It goes with the story I'm about to tell." He propped his head up again. "So anyway, I was standing out here waiting for you to come out of surgery when …." He told a tamer version of the story, from beginning to end, the only change being he eliminated the part about Solion and most of the cursing involved.

When he was done, he looked over at the adjoining biobed. He thought for a second that Spock had fallen asleep sitting up. His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow and steady. After a long silence, the brown eyes opened but did not look at Jim.

"She said that?" Spock spoke low and even.

Jim stretched. "I'm sure she's just concerned about your comfort. I mean, I did hug you, and you're a Vulcan. A taken Vulcan, at that. Not that I have any interest in you like that. But you get me."

"Captain, I wish to make a formal complaint." Spock folded his hands in his lap.

Jim went numb. Here it was. Spock would make the complaint and Jim's career would be done. "Sure, Spock. What's your complaint?"

"I wish to report a crewmember making manipulative threats to you and your station, sir."

Jim almost did a double-take. "You're reporting … you're reporting Uhura?"

"Yes, sir."

Jim sat up and waved a hand to get Spock's attention. "Hey, look at me a second. Let's not get in a pissing contest, okay? I have it on good authority that she can't make the report without you as a co-complainant, and if you tell me you didn't mind me hugging you, then we're cool. I know it's against regs and I appreciate you being such a stickler but this is your girlfriend. You're going to be _under_ the doghouse if you do this."

Spock nodded, and then turned away from Jim. "However, this is the reason you were not here when I regained consciousness? The lieutenant asked you to leave?"

Jim nodded, even though Spock couldn't see it. "Yeah. You know I would have been here. If it helps any my mind was on you the whole time." Jim slid off the bed and stood beside Spock. "Dude, that guy was right. You _are_ my brother."

"I will agree to be your brother, if you will agree to cease referring to me as 'dude'." Spock looked at Jim and Jim could swear his eyes were sparkling.

* * *

A/N: This is where I stop for the night. We will resume tomorrow. Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

Jim got back on the bed and pulled the viewer toward him, checking the ship's status while he was awake. Spock lay in the other bed and thought for a moment about the situation he found himself in. Jim had made comments about having a friendship with Spock from the beginning of the cruise. Spock had eventually relented and found himself growing closer to the captain. Now, Jim had declared Spock to be a brother to him. Spock had never been particularly close to his half-brother Sybok. He had seen the familiarity and fraternity between Dr. McCoy and Jim, and was surprised to think Jim thought of him the same way. But it was pleasing.

There was a word in the Vuhlkansu language that encompassed these two situations. It described a being who was a friend, and a brother. But that word had a third tier. _Lover._ The word was _t'hy'la_, and it stood for all three at once. There was poetry that described _t'hy'la,_ but Spock had thought the situation didn't exist in modern society. Wouldn't it be strange if Spock found that closeness with a human named Jim Kirk?

A small alarm began to chime and Spock slowly turned his head to look at the monitor above him. Jim was already on his feet, at his side.

"What's wrong, Spock?" Jim looked him over.

"I am uncertain, Jim. I am not in any distress," Spock explained.

"Yeah, you weren't when you started bleeding again either. Let me see your side."

"Out of the way, _Doctor_ Kirk," came a gruff Southern voice, and McCoy barged in the area. He did precisely what Jim was headed to do, pulling Spock's gown open. "Well, you're not bleeding, thank God. Are you in any pain?"

"No, Doctor, I am not." Spock watched the medic make his assessment.

"What was he doing when the alarm went off?" McCoy barked.

Jim shrugged. "He was just sitting there. If I had to guess I'd say he was working on some projects he's got running right now. You know, thinking and stuff."

McCoy batted at the alarm and frowned. "Well, I hate to do this to you Spock, but can you avoid that particular project? Whatever you were thinking about made your blood flow increase suddenly, and we don't want that." He tucked Spock's gown under him again and covered him with the blankets. "I'm going to shut the lights to half intensity for the night. No parties back here, okay?" He smiled at the men and left them alone.

"What is the purpose of making a statement known to be erroneous and pointless?" Spock asked quietly.

"What did he say?" Jim answered sleepily, snuggling down under his blanket.

"He implied we would have some soiree in the midst of a medical facility," Spock replied haughtily. "Honestly, Doctor," Spock remarked to himself.

The lights went to their nighttime level and Jim cracked an eye open. "You going to be okay over there?"

Spock looked over. "Yes, Jim, I will be well. You may rest now."

"Okay," Jim yawned. "Good night, Spock." Half an hour later he was snoring.

* * *

The _Enterprise_ made it to New Vulcan and Spock was checked out by a healer before being placed on modified duty. They restocked with what little T-negative blood the planet could provide, and then returned to their missions. Spock made a full recovery and was soon back to being the rule-loving, anal bundle of joy everyone expected him to be. In his private time, he had a little discussion with his intended and the situation with the captain was resolved. Everything went back to normal, or so they thought.

* * *

"Energize," Jim called, and the party was transported to the planet's surface. Immediately, they had to catch their breath from the heat. Everyone was miserable. Well, everyone except the half-Vulcan Science officer. This was a nice summer day to him.

"Okay, fan out but stay in touch. I want you to check in every five minutes, and I mean every … how many seconds is that, Mr. Spock?" Jim paused.

"Three hundred, sir," Spock replied promptly.

"Three hundred seconds," Jim continued. "I want to hear even if you have nothing to say. Just say hi to me. Ready? Take off, kids." He shooed his hands forward and the eager officers set out to explore the surface.

Spock headed due west, because the computer model had predicted several near-extinct succulent plants growing in this direction. Upon finding the first species, he knelt in the dirt and began to study the plant. He was so enthralled that he missed the first check in. It was nearing the second when it occurred to him his oversight and he reached for his communicator, but it chimed at him first.

"Spock."

"_Mr. Spock, it's Ensign Sathaway. I can't raise the captain, and it's time for check-in. Is he with you?"_

Spock looked around quickly, his heart beginning to beat faster. "He is not. Where was he at first contact?"

"_He said he was checking out the streams. I don't know where that is, sir. Do you want to start a grid search?"_

Spock hesitated. If Jim had just gone off on some wild goose chase, he'd never forgive Spock for initiating a grid search for no reason. But then again, this was Captain Kirk, who could find danger in a padded room. Spock sighed and took the risk.

"Yes, Ensign. Call the other party members and return to the beamdown location. We will begin a grid search from there. Spock out."

The crew met at their original location and Spock laid out the plan. Everyone remained calm and set out once again, calling for the captain as they walked forward. Spock had taken the north-northeast path, because that was the last direction the captain had been seen heading. Spock called for the captain, his strong tenor voice carrying over the plains. He came across the streams that had been mentioned and paused to take a closer look.

There were muddy footprints in and out of the stream, so Jim had obviously been here. Spock decided to try his communicator again.

"Spock to Kirk."

A familiar chime sounded from his right. He turned and saw Captain Kirk's communicator lying on the ground, and his breath caught in his chest. Jim would have never left his communicator discarded. He called to the other crew and had them return to his location. They would have to expand the search from here. On impulse, Spock called the ship.


	7. Chapter 7

"_Scott. What kin I do for ya, Commander?" _Scotty answered.

"The captain is missing. I have found his communicator on the ground, with no sign of the captain. Can you do a life sign search starting from my signal?"

"_Ach, sir, don' you worry. We'll find the lad. Scott out."_

The crew arrived and fanned out from the stream. Spock walked straight ahead, his hand holding the only sign they had that the captain had been there. He had gone half a mile when he smelled something in the air. He paused, scenting the wind as if he were an animal. He _knew_ that smell, but from where? He walked forward, the smell getting stronger all the time.

As he stepped into a clearing, he saw dark spots on the ground, and his stomach rolled. That scent he had smelled before – it was human blood.

"JIM!" he yelled hoarsely, starting to follow the trail on the ground. In a grove of trees Spock spotted a bundle of black and gold and sprinted for it.

"Jim? Do not move, Jim. You will be alright," Spock assured the still form. It looked like something had beaten the living daylights out of the captain. He was broken and bloodied from head to toe. "Spock to_ Enterprise_, come in!"

"Enterprise_, didja find tha cap'n?"_

"Mr. Scott, two to beam aboard, medical emergency." Spock hovered near the captain's body. He waited impatiently until the familiar lights began to whirl around them and they dissolved. When they reappeared, McCoy was standing at the controls to the transporter.

"It's the captain, I win," he announced to the medical crew. They usually had a running bet on who had been hurt when they called for emergency beam up. He helped Spock get the battered body onto a stretcher. "It's okay, I've got him now, Spock," he assured the Vulcan.

Spock turned to Scotty and took a breath. "Recall the crew. Beam everyone aboard. We are leaving. You have the conn." He walked out of the transporter room toward Sickbay.

"_Hi, how are you, Mr. Scott? Oh, I'm fine, Spock, thank you for asking. How was your trip? Oh, we had a great time, thank you. Please assist me in doing what is honestly _my_ job. Thank you so much for your hard work, Mr. Scott."_ Keenser poked his head out from the console area. "You know, it wouldn't kill him to say it once in a while, Vulcan or not."

"Laddie, he tells me ev'ry day just by keepin' us safe. He donna have to use words." Scotty began calling the crew and beaming them aboard. When everyone was safe, he locked the console and headed to the bridge. He hadn't heard anything about someone needed specialized medical care, so he figured they would head to the next mission in the books.

In Sickbay, Jim had required surgery to stop some intense internal bleeding. They had regenerated as many of his broken bones as they could, but they couldn't do anything about the toes on his left foot. He would just have to let them heal naturally. When he was brought out of surgery, Spock was waiting patiently.

"How is he, Doctor?"

McCoy looked at the still form and sighed. "You know, I would pay good money to know what it is about this boy that pisses off so many alien races. Is it his looks? Does he say something? Is it the color gold and Starfleet has inadvertently sent him out with a bulls-eye painted on his chest?"

"Doctor," Spock repeated patiently, "how is the captain?"

"Oh, he's fine, Mr. Spock. One of these days I'm going to have to remove his spleen if he keeps this up. So, let's take the tally. One ruptured spleen, one bruised and battered kidney – he's going to be passing blood for a long while, Spock – three broken ribs, a broken arm, a broken hand, a broken leg, a smashed foot, and a concussion the size of Atlanta. What in the holy hell got a hold of him, Spock?"

"I am not aware, Doctor," Spock replied woodenly. "I was not with him."

McCoy held up a hand. "Now hold it just a cotton-picking minute, Spock. Don't you start blaming yourself. The kid's a trouble magnet, and even if you'd been in his back pocket you might not have been able to stop it. I was on the bridge when they did the life scan and it came back clear in the vicinity you were beaming to. This isn't the first time we've been wrong and God knows it won't be the last."

"Do you require assistance in placing the captain on the biobed?" Spock broke in.

"Yeah, if you can. Just -" McCoy broke off as Spock cradled the captain in his arms and carried him to the biobed, placing him down ever so gently and covering him with the blanket. "Yeah, that's good. Thanks Spock. You want a chair?"

"Yes, please," Spock replied, eyes never leaving Jim. When McCoy returned Spock took the chair and sat by the biobed. He gave a small sigh and took his own inventory of the injuries. The bruises were just beginning to show on Jim's skin. The left hand was in a splint. The right one hadn't been damaged, luckily, because Jim was right-handed. But the whole right arm was in a sling, having been regenerated during the surgery. The left leg was in an air cast as well. At the bottom of the air cast, the damaged left foot lay swollen and angry. The damage was too widespread for the mender to heal it.

Spock wasn't sure how serious the damage was to Jim's spleen, and he had heard of humans having their spleens removed and surviving, but he didn't want that for Jim. He regretted the damage to the kidney. Spock had had a bruised kidney in an earlier mission and knew precisely how painful that was. He would probably hear Jim in the bathroom for the next week every time he tried to pass urine. Spock made a mental note to leave his connecting door unlocked in case Jim needed him during the night.

"Spock?"

Spock turned to find Lieutenant Uhura standing beside him. "Yes, Nyota?"

"Is he okay?"

"The captain has sustained several difficult injuries, but I believe he will survive. I will tell him you asked after him." Spock stood respectfully.

"Well, uh, Scotty says he's got the conn and I got worried that you had been hurt too. But I guess you're just going to sit here with him, so …."

"Nyota, we have an agreement," he reminded her. "I would not wish to disappoint him." Spock's eyes searched her face.

"Fine, go on, be with your boyfriend," she joked lamely. "I'll see you whenever you get the chance."

"Thank you, Nyota." Neither mentioned the fact that he hadn't corrected her label for the captain. "When they transfer the captain to his quarters I will come to you immediately."

Uhura turned, then paused. She looked over her shoulder. "You know what? Take your time. I'm fine, Spock. I'd rather you stayed with Kirk until he's better. That _is_ the job of the First Officer, after all, right?"

Spock nodded. "I appreciate your understanding."

Uhura walked out of Sickbay and back to her room. Lying on her bed, she pulled out her personal padd and called up her diary.

_June 22_

_He won't say it yet, but it's crystal clear in everything he does and everything he _doesn't_ say. After two years, I've gotten pretty fluent in Spock's body language and he could no more deny this than he could change the course of the universe by sheer willpower alone. Why won't he admit it? Why won't he even tell me the truth?  
_

_Come to think of it, I haven't said it either. I've pussyfooted around the subject but I haven't actually said the words. My boyfriend is in love with another man. Spock loves Kirk. There, I said it. I can't remember precisely when I realized I had lost Spock to another person. It kind of crept up on me, and one day it was all around me like the brightness of the dawn that surrounds you in the morning._

_It wouldn't bother me so bad if I wasn't sure Kirk felt the same way, and that really hurts. It's like I'm standing in the way of true love. Kirk was such a skirt-chaser at the Academy, but then he went on the straight and narrow when they gave him the _Enterprise_. I didn't think he would ever fall for anyone again, out of respect for his new position. I never expected that the one being charged with protecting the captain from himself would fall for his charm. I also never expected Kirk to fall just as hard in return._

_Spock obviously isn't ready to admit this to himself, much less anyone else. Perhaps he is ashamed? I hope not. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy. If Kirk makes him happy, then that's what I want for him. I'm going to give this until the winter break, and if he hasn't said anything to me, then I'll take matters into my own hands._

_Oh, Ny, what a crazy world you live in. You weren't the wrong species, you were the wrong gender. Couldn't have seen _that_ coming. When the New Year rings in next year, maybe you'll be able to start over, and get it right this time._

Back in Sickbay, a pair of cerulean eyes opened slowly.

"O-o-o-w-w-w," Jim groaned.

Spock was on his feet instantly. "Jim, are you in pain?"

Jim tried to laugh and found it too torturous. He licked his lips. "Kinda, Spock, nothing major," he lied.

Spock pushed a button on the biobed and Jim was slowly raised to a half-sitting position. "You must not move too rapidly, Jim. You had severe internal trauma and several broken limbs. Is there anything I can retrieve for you?"

"Yeah, you can find the asshole who did this to me and lock me in a room alone with him for fifteen minutes."

Spock frowned. "Jim, the being who did this to you most likely is substantially larger than you, and has no qualms in leaving you near death. You wish to fight this individual again?" Spock ended incredulously.

"I'm fucking with you," Jim replied lightly. Then he coughed and grabbed his midsection. "Shit!" he exclaimed. An alarm sounded on the biobed and within a minute McCoy was at the end of the bed.

"Okay, dumbass, what did you do?" _Dumbass_ was McCoy's favorite private nickname for the captain.

Jim blinked tears away and caught his breath. "I coughed."

McCoy snorted and drew the curtain. Then, without regard to Spock's presence, he pulled down the blanket and pulled up Jim's gown. He scanned the abdomen. "You're not bleeding," he told his friend, covering him again. He noticed Spock was staring at the ceiling. "He's covered," he told the Vulcan.

Jim watched his First Officer look down again and smiled. "I had my boxers on, Spock. Sorry, I forgot about that one time Bones stripped me in front of you and I had nothing on."

"I seem to recall you were not modest about the occasion," Spock replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Who, me?" Jim asked innocently.

"I believe your exact quote was 'Yeah, I'm hung like a horse.' Why you wish to have the physique of a beast of burden is beyond me, however you seemed certain this was a trait to be admired." Spock put his hands behind his back.

"We'll compare if you want," Jim commented, and tried to scoot up the bed. Another alarm went off and McCoy raised a hand to Jim as if to hit him.

"Yo, dumbass, stop moving. You're undoing a lot of hard work and I really don't relish the idea of sewing you back together again." He gestured to the sling. "If you're really nice I'll take the sling off."

"What exactly happened, anyway? I was trying to catch something that looked like a minnow in the creek when the lights went out."

Spock tilted his head. "What is a minnow?"

"Little fishy. Cute as a bug, or a fish in this instance. I used to catch them at my grandma's house all the time." Jim noticed Spock had paled. "Uh, what?"

Spock inhaled and tried to formulate a response that wouldn't make the captain look like a complete idiot. "Were you aware that the life cycle of the indigenous life form on that planet starts in water?"

"I didn't see that in the reports," Jim replied, confused. "What are you suggesting?"

"I believe the creature you were chasing in the water was actually the young of the individual that accosted you. It was most likely attempting to protect its offspring."

"Oh, my God. I was chasing its young? No wonder it kicked my ass! Spock, tell me why that wasn't in the briefing?" Jim tried to run his left hand through his hair and succeeded only in tangling the brace in the hair.

"The report formulated for the captain of the vessel does not go into any great detail on the life cycle of the life forms present. It only reports the form the landing party will most likely encounter. You _did_ read about this life form, only in its adult stage. That was the only form by which the landing party could have been endangered." Spock frowned. "I have spoken with Science Command fourteen times about this oversight. Apparently they do not consider it to be significant enough to change the formula of the report."

"_Spock _of _Vulcan_ raised the alarm with Science Command fourteen times and they didn't listen?" McCoy exclaimed. "Good Lord, even Medical Sciences listens when I open my crusty old mouth. I would have smacked somebody by now, Spock."

"Seeing as my commanding officer has been assaulted and damaged severely because of the oversight, I intend to make complaint number fifteen."


	8. Chapter 8

McCoy pointed his finger at the Vulcan. "You do that, but you tell me who you send it to, because I'm making a complaint with Medical Sciences at the same time. Maybe if we combine forces somebody will listen to us. God! Why do you think they're ignoring you, Spock?"

Spock's eyes darkened and he inhaled slowly. "I have come to two conclusions, neither of which is pleasing. Either Science Command does not put any stock in any report I make, regardless of its level of importance, or a person in a high-level position in Starfleet Command has a personal vendetta against the captain."

The bay was still for a long moment and no one made eye contact with anyone. Then McCoy growled. "It's bad enough that Science Command has you doubting your worth, Spock. You're worth fifty of any other scientist and I think they damn well know it! But you seriously think someone in the Admiralty has it out for Jim?"

Spock blinked. "My mother once said opinions were like anal openings, every being has one and it usually smells foul."

Jim giggled at Spock's interpretation of the old saying and then winced, rubbing his belly.

"I could be mistaken in my hypothesis, and that is the only reason I have not lodged a formal complaint with Admiral Pike," Spock continued. "However, you did not find the suggestion so implausible. Why?"

McCoy glanced around the bay and lowered his voice. "Spock, this isn't the first time something hinky's gone down and the Admiralty has sat on its ass. Not Pike," he reassured the officer, "but others. Especially Komack. Nogura's not that bad; I think he's just a hard-ass. Pinkerton's one of the bad ones though. So far the only one I _know_ is in Jim's corner is Pike."

"That does not explain why Science Command is disregarding my reports," Spock replied.

"Who oversees Science Command? Admiral Reynolds?" McCoy posed.

"Affirmative."

"Maybe she's in on it," the doctor suggested.

"No," Jim broke in. "I can't see Maxine doing something so underhanded. Spock, have you told Maxine personally that your reports are getting shitcanned?"

"I beg your pardon?" Spock responded.

McCoy stepped in. "Thrown away, Spock. Have you told Admiral Reynolds to her face that you're getting ignored?"

Spock blinked at the two men. "No. I did not believe that she would assign it her personal attention."

"Spock, you're one of the brightest scientists, if not _the_ brightest, that Science Command has. You're Starfleet's pride and joy. You were published seven times in the past five years. You were the first Vulcan published in the _Science Tomorrow Journal_." McCoy shook a finger at Spock. "You were given an honorary PhD by Cal Tech in your second year at the Academy. Jesus Christ, you're so brilliant I'm not worthy to repeat your credentials, and you think she's not going to listen to you?"

Spock stood quietly, and Jim reached up with his hand and brushed Spock's sleeve. "Even if you didn't have a zillion letters after your name and enough awards to cover the Rec Room three times over, I couldn't run this ship without you and for that reason alone, I think she'll listen to you."

"Truthfully I need no award. I do not even require the attention of Science Command. To know I complete my tasks successfully and competently in the eyes of my shipmates is all I have ever desired," Spock told the men. "If you believe the admiral will respond to a personal inquiry I will do so at my first opportunity."

"There's a computer in my office," McCoy told the First Officer. "Why don't you go shoot her a note and I'll do a workup on Evil Knievel here. When you're done we'll trade places and between the two of us we'll see if we can't light a fire under Starfleet."

"Thank you, Doctor." Spock walked away and McCoy pulled the curtain closed again.

"Okay, don't try to help, just lie there." McCoy folded the blanket down to the bottom of the bed and lifted an edge, looking at the foot underneath. "Good grief, I don't know how you're going to walk on that. Well, we'll work on that later. I'm going to remove the air cast. Don't move."

He lifted the leg up and unfastened the device, sliding it off. "Hmm. Blood flow looks good. But then again I've regenerated enough of your bones that I've got it down to a science. If you promise not to play soccer immediately I'll leave the cast off."

"Scout's honor," Jim swore.

McCoy covered the legs again but pulled up Jim's gown. "Let's see that belly." He pressed down gently, gauging Jim's response. Jim made several faces and he stopped. "Are you in pain?"

"No," Jim breathed, "your hands are cold and you're tickling me."

"Okay. Slide your arm out of the sling and stretch it out for me," McCoy commanded. Jim did so and McCoy ran his hand up and down the limb. "I don't want you doing anything but writing with this arm for a week, hear?"

"Aye, aye, sir," Jim responded cheekily.

Finally, the doctor examined the left appendage. He _tsked_ and left it alone after a long glance. "That hand took a pretty bad blow. Be glad you're not left-handed." He laid the hand on Jim's chest and helped him sit up all the way. "I hate doing this to you now, but the other option was putting a cath in you. Can you pee?"

"Yeah. Why do you act like it's the end of the world?"

McCoy placed a gentle hand on Jim's lower back. "Jim, your kidney was severely bruised. It's going to hurt to pee for a while, and you're going to pass blood, so be prepared."

"Hah. I can handle that. Lead on, McDuff." Jim pulled his gown shut and teetered slowly to the bathroom, favoring his left foot tremendously. "My specimen jar, sir?" McCoy handed him the cup. "Be right back."

"Jim, I'll be right here if you need me," McCoy called. He waited and for a couple of minutes there was silence. Then there was a low groan punctuated by curses in several different languages. Then the toilet flushed. McCoy could hear him washing his hands and sighed in relief that it was over.

Jim opened the door and handed the cup to McCoy. "Okay, you said it would hurt. You didn't compare it to childbirth."

McCoy swatted him on the arm that hadn't been broken. "You'd never survive childbirth. Get back in bed."

"Hey Bones, I'm up and about, can I leave?"

"Why can't you just lie still and recover like every other crewman aboard this ship?" McCoy wailed. Jim gave him a lopsided grin and McCoy shrugged. "Get Spock to get you a clean uniform and if you can dress yourself I'll let you go." Jim went and sat on his biobed, waiting for the First Officer.

When Spock returned, he handed a disc to McCoy. "I made two complaints, one to Captain Duncroft and one to Admiral Reynolds. If the status quo remains in effect, the report to Captain Duncroft will not receive a response." He looked over. "Is the captain well enough to leave Sickbay?"

"See, _he_ understands," Jim groused.

"If I come out of this cruise with gray hair, each one of them will bear your names. Yes, Robin, Batman can return to the Batcave." McCoy crossed his arms.

"I need a uniform, Spock." Jim batted his eyes at his second-in-command.

"I will return," Spock promised, and walked away.

McCoy walked up to the captain and leaned in to whisper to him. "So now we've got a third party who believes the Admiralty is out to get you. What do you plan to do about it?"

Jim huffed and scratched his head with his right hand. "I don't know, Bones. Maybe if I talk to Chris he'll know what to do."

"Well do it, boy, and do it soon. I don't think I can keep patching you up every other week."

Spock returned with a clean uniform and a surprise. He handed Jim the uniform and put the other bundle on the biobed.

McCoy snickered. "Frog slippers? Really, Jim?"

Jim snatched one of the slippers up and cradled it. "If you would sit down and play Frogger 350 with me you'd understand."

"That is an arcade game in which you must maneuver a frog across streams, roads, and bogs without allowing the creature to be destroyed," Spock spoke up.

"Yeah. I had you play it once and you … did well," Jim lied poorly.

"Jim, my frog died every time I placed it in play. I did not do well." Spock's mouth curved up ever-so-slightly.

"Anyway, Spock's got the right idea. I don't think I'm getting a shoe on this foot for a while," Jim pointed out.

Spock frowned. "Excuse me, but I did not intend you to wear these on duty."

"Oh, come on, Spock. Nobody ever sees my feet. It'll be fine." Jim watched Spock struggle to accept this answer and pulled the curtain so he could dress. Spock stepped outside to allow him his privacy.


	9. Chapter 9

There was silence for a long moment, then a soft "_Dammit."_ Jim stuck his head out of the curtains. "Spock, uh, you think you could give me a hand?"

"Of course, Captain," Spock replied.

"Please, you're about to help me get dressed. I think this calls for you to use my first name." Jim handed him the pants and Spock motioned for Jim to sit on the biobed. He slipped the legs of the pants onto their limbs and then motioned for Jim to hold the waist of the slacks. Then Spock picked Jim straight up effortlessly and Jim pulled his pants up. When Spock sat him back down Jim whistled.

"I must remember to never piss you off," Jim declared as Spock handed him the black undershirt. Spock carefully threaded the regenerated arm through first and then cautiously pulled the splinted hand through the other side. Jim poked his head through and reached for his gold tunic. "How are you so good at this?" Jim asked casually.

Spock repeated the process with the gold tunic. "Captain, I have undressed you on ten occasions when you were injured so severely you could not do so yourself, and two memorable occasions when you had imbibed enough intoxicants that you were rendered completely inert. Seeing as it is just the reverse action to dress you, I do not find it so implausible that I have skill in this area."

Jim frowned. "Wait, you've stripped me how many times when I was drunk?"

"Twice," Spock replied. "Please remain still. This may hurt." He began to place the slipper on the left foot.

"I only remember one – OOOOOWWWW!" he cried out.

Spock removed his hands. "I apologize, Jim. The footwear is in place."

Jim panted for a moment but remained on topic. "I only remember you having to babysit me once, when the Romulans were here. When was the second time?"

Spock slipped the second slipper on the other foot and stood facing the curtain. "The fourth week we were in space, Starfleet Command gave us a two-week hiatus while they decided which missions we would be assigned. You and I had a serious difference of opinions and you locked yourself in your quarters and ingested half a bottle of Saurian brandy. You then proceeded to ring my door until I answered and inform me of what had upset you so greatly before passing out in my arms."

Jim's jaw was down and he didn't speak until his horror had abated some. "What did I say?"

Spock's hands moved behind his back. "Honestly, most of your comments were rendered incomprehensible by the sheer amount of alcohol in your system. However, I understood something about the fact that you had been informed we were supposed to have an epic friendship and that I was failing at my part in the plan."

"Did I say who had told me that?" Jim was terrified that he had let the existence of his secret helper, Ambassador Solion, the Spock from another dimension, be known to the one person who was never supposed to know. The fate of the space-time continuum rested on this secret.

Spock shook his head. "You were honestly only conscious for six point two eight minutes before your body shut down. I removed your clothing and placed you in my bed and sat with you until I was sure the possibility of you vomiting in your sleep had passed."

Jim slumped backward, numb. "You never told me that."

"If it had become a pattern, I would have raised my concerns to you personally. However, your behavior only repeated one more time, that being the ill-fated conference with the Romulan delegation, and then your intoxication was not a personal choice. You were responding to a cultural challenge, and in truth you held your own quite well. If a human had to take that job again, I would have recommended you."

Spock turned to look at his commanding officer again. "Jim, I must admit to confusion. I have heard of humans imbibing massive amounts of intoxicants on a regular basis without stopping, and I was concerned that would be your standard. However, you ceased with the behavior abruptly and have yet to repeat it. May I ask what changed?"

Jim snorted. "I'm _not_ an alcoholic. I don't know, you got mad at me once and it made me realize there were more important things in life."

"You stopped because of my reaction?" Spock repeated slowly.

"Yeah. Help me get up," Jim ordered. He slid off the biobed and got his balance before shuffling toward the bay. "I'm going to my quarters."

"Oh no you're not!" snapped McCoy, who was standing outside. Jim narrowed his eyes at the doctor, knowing the medic had heard his entire conversation with his First. "You're going to Spock's quarters."

"What?" Jim exclaimed. "And do what, roast?"

"Continue your little heart-to-heart. Introduce him to the pleasures of R.E.M. I don't honestly care. Just don't be on your feet and don't pick anything up that weighs more than your tunic." McCoy handed a hypo to Spock. "Give him that if he's in too much pain. Call me and I'll send up another afterward."

Jim saluted and started out of the medical facility. He got out of sight and paused, crossing his arms over his abdomen.

"Captain, do you need assistance?" Spock asked quietly.

Jim shook his head. "No, Spock, but I'm never making fun of a girl who's got cramps again. Come on."

They walked down the hall and Spock looked over at Jim. "Why would the doctor wish you to speak to me about rapid eye movement?"

"Huh? Oh. No. R.E.M. was a band in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. Have you ever heard of Michael Stipe?" he asked.

"I have not."

"Oh. Well, that group was really cool. I tried to get Bones turned on to it and he called it otalgia with a beat," Jim complained.

"But he wishes you to play this earache-inducing phenomenon for me now?" Spock posed.

"It's not bad. Give it a shot," Jim begged. They arrived at Spock's quarters and walked in. Spock started to call for the computer to lower the temperature and Jim stopped him, explaining that the heat felt good. Jim looked around for a moment before sitting in a chair. "Can I play with your computer?"

"Use your right hand as much as possible," Spock instructed him. "Your left hand must recover."

"'Kay," Jim responded and began to hunt and peck with one finger. Finally he hit the enter button and a song began playing. To Spock, the word 'song' was used loosely here. This was indeed an earache with a beat. "This is 'It's the End of the World As We Know It'," Jim called.

Spock's eyebrows knitted together and he stood still, trying to make sense of the nonsense coming out of the speakers.

"Wait, let me play you a better song," Jim exclaimed. He pressed a couple of keys and a more mellow song began.

"_This one goes out to the one I love._

_This one goes out to the one I left behind._"

Spock listened. The lyrics were rather simple and extremely repetitive. Jim was an excellent tactician. He was a fearless leader. He was a good friend. But his taste in music left a great deal to be desired. Spock was about to give up when a new song began playing. This one's instrumentals were actually pleasant. He listened. The words didn't make any sense, but the tune was acceptable.

"Is this R.E.M. as well?" Spock asked.

Jim shrugged. "Yeah. Why?"

"It does not sounds as caustic as the other songs."

"This is 'Nightswimming'. It's a slower song," Jim explained.

"Jim," Spock began, coming over and shutting off the music. "What do you intend to do about my hypothesis?"

"What hypothesis?"

"The hypothesis that someone in Starfleet Command holds enough of a grudge against you that they would ignore reports of you being in danger?" Spock demanded.

Jim seemed to shut down and Spock almost regretted bringing it up. Finally the young man took off the brace on his left hand and began to massage the appendage.

"I don't know, Spock. What do you want me to do?" Jim strapped the brace back on.

"Jim, I cannot make that decision for you. However, I will support you fully no matter what you choose." Spock's computer chimed and he pulled up the message. It was from Admiral Reynolds. "Jim, read this."

Jim read the message and began to smile. At the end he poked Spock with the braced hand. "See, I told you she'd help. And they weren't ignoring you, they were just slow in doing something about it! All better!" he declared.

"Jim, you still have not told me what you intend to do about Starfleet Command."

"Maybe they're right, okay?!" Jim snapped suddenly, bending over and coughing a couple of times.

"About what are 'they' right?" Spock spoke softly.

Jim sat up, tears in his eyes, but they weren't from pain. "Maybe I don't deserve the _Enterprise._ Do you know who would have sat in the center seat if I hadn't been there?" Spock shook his head. "You, Spock. You were in line for the captaincy. You should be here, not me."

Spock stood in front of the desk, hands behind his back. "I believe we both know who is the better captain. You have met with great success and your crew is extremely loyal to you. I will admit, I doubted you in the beginning. I do not doubt any longer. Jim, you may not have earned this command by standard means, but you earned it. No one should take it from you."

"What am I going to do if the Admiralty is after me?" Jim replied sadly. "How am I supposed to fight that?"

"I suggest you contact Admiral Pike and - what is the phrase? 'Put some feelers out'. You know for a fact Admiral Pike supports you. Perhaps if you raise your concerns to him, you will get results."

Jim glanced at the chronometer. "Think he's still there?"

"All you are able to do is try," Spock responded. Jim dialed the number and straightened up.


	10. Chapter 10

"Starfleet Command, Admiral Pike's office," the man announced.

"Captain Kirk to speak to the admiral," Jim replied nervously. The line clicked over.

"Jim?" Pike greeted him. "Hey. What's up?"

"Um, Admiral Pike, I need to speak to you about a concern," Jim began.

"No 'Chris', no 'whazzup', no smile. And you look like something beat on you recently. What's wrong, son?" Pike asked gently.

"Do you mind if Commander Spock sits in on this call?" Jim asked suddenly.

"No, of course not. What's wrong, Jim?"

Jim explained about Spock's dilemma with Science Command, and backtracked to the instances when Starfleet Command had either not responded or didn't respond fast enough to his complaints. He brought up McCoy and Spock's conclusions, and then fell silent.

Pike rubbed his chin. "You think someone in the Admiralty is gunning for you?"

"Yes, sir."

"But you don't think it's me, or you wouldn't have told me," Pike answered himself. He looked at the screen. "If it was just McCoy, I'd say the man was paranoid. Honestly, if it was just you and McCoy, I'd say you were hatching conspiracy theories. But Spock is the one who brought it up?"

"Admiral, it pains me to bring such an accusation, and I would not have done so without thorough consideration. I have seen my captain placed in peril too many times for it to be a coincidence." Spock hesitated. "I did not wish to make the complaint myself without Captain Kirk's participation. However, this last episode was 'too close for comfort', to use my captain's words. Something must be done."

Pike nodded and grimaced. "You're absolutely right, Spock, something has to be done. Let me try a few things here and we'll see if we can draw anybody out in the open. Hang tight, boys. We'll get to the bottom of this. Pike out." The screen showed the confirmation logo for the office.

"Does this alleviate any of your feelings of persecution?" Spock asked Jim.

"Not yet. But it does make me feel better that he didn't laugh at me. Thanks, Spock." Jim started to get up and Spock wavered for a moment before putting a hand under the elbow of the arm that hadn't been regenerated. Jim pointed to the next door. "Gotta pee."

"Do you wish me to remain with you?" Spock asked.

"You would do that for me?" Jim replied in surprise. Spock did not answer, but remained with the captain in the bathroom. Jim lowered his pants and waited. "This is going to hurt," he sighed.

"Then grip my arm as tightly as you wish," Spock told him. "You will not injure me." Jim took hold of the arm and began to urinate. He squeezed down and cried out, and Spock steadied him. When he was done, he pulled up his pants and turned around to lean against the bulkhead.

"Oh, God, how long is this hell going to last?" Jim posed to himself.

"I suffered the effects of a bruised kidney for three days, six hours, and approximately ten minutes," Spock informed him. "Granted, I did not have a ruptured spleen to complicate the situation. Do you require your pain medicine?"

"I'm just really tired," Jim sighed. He turned and washed his hands and walked back out. He headed for the desk but Spock guided him to the bunk. "What are you doing?" Jim asked.

"You are fatigued. You cannot rest adequately sitting up. I have no qualms with you resting in my bed." Spock pulled a blanket out and covered him. "Sleep now. I will remain here with you."

"You know you're bossy when you're being protective," Jim commented. He tried rolling over on his left side and watching the First Officer work on reports. "Hey, you know, I never thanked you for taking on a double duty," Jim told him. "I could have found a Science officer before long. You didn't have to do both."

"It does not concern me, Jim," Spock replied, his eyes never leaving the screen. "The work loads are complementary. The Science division, including Life Sciences, is highly efficient, so the most I do there is delegate work to other officers. There is a pattern to the work of the First Officer, and the structure allows me comfort."

"What do you mean?"

Spock thought about it. "When you partake in recreation, you play poker, you sing karaoke, you run in the gymnasium, or you watch videos with your friends. When I find the need to relax, I can either meditate or I can focus my attention on a project. It is actually soothing for me to correlate reports and formulate duty rosters."

Jim rolled over on his back. "That doesn't sound fair, Spock. What about Uhura? Don't you two spend time together?"

"We enjoy our meals together and we have attended the recitals of the music group on board. She is attempting to organize a theatrical group as well. However, those situations are often stressful for me, because I do not belong. I feel ill-at-ease in most social situations." Spock was thankful Jim couldn't see him blush.

Jim grunted. "Well, I don't really get to play with anyone on board because I have to remain professional. Bones is the only exception, and he's pretty busy usually. Why don't you and I hang out together? You know, I was serious when I said we were supposed to have an epic friendship."

"You seemed quite earnest when you informed me, regardless of your intoxication," Spock agreed. He sat quietly for a moment, then shut off the screen to the computer. "Jim, may I use your computer?"

"Mmmm," Jim answered, half-asleep. "Sure. You know my codes."

"Thank you," Spock told him. "I will return shortly." He walked through the bathroom to the next room. He had to watch his step in the next quarters. Jim had asked his yeoman to clean his room, and the man had laughed at him. Jim still hadn't straightened up in there. Spock moved a dirty t-shirt and sat at the computer, dialing a number.

"Jim?" the elder Vulcan spoke, not looking at the screen.

"No, Ambassador. It is I." Spock waited for the man to acknowledge him. "I am using the captain's computer while he rests in my room."

"Is he 'on the lamb' from Dr. McCoy again?" Solion questioned.

"Not precisely. He is recuperating from a serious injury and the doctor did not believe him safe enough to remain unsupervised."

"You are babysitting him again?" the curious man replied.

"No. I reserve the phrase 'babysitting' for when he has done something ignorant and I must fix whatever problems he has created. I am not babysitting him. I am …."

"Nursing him back to health?"

"You are entirely too amused at this situation," Spock objected.

"I apologize, child. That was insensitive of me. It is admirable that you are assisting your commanding officer during this crisis. How may I assist you?" Solion focused on the screen.

"Were you in a platonic relationship with your Jim?" Spock asked.

Solion looked up for a moment. "Yes, I was friends with my Jim. We were very close friends."

"And did you tell that to my captain?" Spock tilted his head. "Specifically, did you tell Jim that we were to have an 'epic friendship'?"

"I may have used the phrase," the old man admitted. "I was no less subtle with you, I recall."

"What is the urgency involved in my friendship with Jim? Will an adverse event occur should this not come to pass?" Spock asked, slightly frustrated.

"Not that I am aware of, child. However, it would be most tragic if you did not cultivate a relationship with someone. At our last conversation, things were strained with Lieutenant Uhura. Have you resolved your differences?" Solion questioned politely.

"Nyota has withdrawn her earlier objections and seems to be supporting me becoming closer to Jim. We have not spent a great deal of time together; however, I had intended to lavish more attention on her once Jim has recovered." Spock waited to hear his counterpart's praise.

"I wish you the best, child. Remember, destiny is not absolute but it has an uncanny manner of correcting itself."

"_Tomasu,_" Spock interjected, "I am of an age where I should be allowed to know. Was Nyota your bondmate?"

"Your age has nothing to do with it, Spock. It has not come to pass. You will know your bondmate when you meet the person. At least, I pray you do. As of now it is not so certain." Solion frowned.

"So it was not Nyota?"

Solion relented. "I was very close with Lieutenant Uhura, however there was nothing romantic between us. She once made a veiled comment to me in the hopes of seeing me respond, which I did not. She was not insulted, nor was she surprised. We remained close friends."

"You will not tell me who your bondmate was." Spock was disappointed.

"When I was small and I did not get my way, my mother would sit me on her knee and tell me, _Spock, no is not a bad word. No is a gift. Take it and make something wonderful out of it_," Solion replied. He rarely used his true name anymore.


	11. Chapter 11

"Will you tell me more of your mother?" Spock requested of Solion.

"She was an amazing woman. Very headstrong, which made her an ideal bondmate for my father. However, she had a softer side which was very comforting to those around her. Her compassion was boundless, and even though she had not taught for a great deal of time, she did not mind giving detailed explanations to a curious half-Vulcan child." Solion closed his eyes. "She smelled of jasmine. I did not recognize the scent until I was an adult on Earth, when I experienced it again."

Spock closed his eyes and tried to recall, and was dismayed to realize he could not. "I remember her less every day, no matter how hard I try to recall. I am forgetting her voice, and I fear I will forget her face. I have an eidetic memory in every other regard. Why can I not remember my mother?"

Solion's heart ached for the young man. "When my bondmate passed unexpectedly, I shared memories with those close to us, and found in sharing I could remember details that I did not recall alone."

Spock nodded. "I will use your method. It is growing late, and I do not wish to leave Jim alone for long. He may need my assistance."

"A word of advice?" Solion pushed. Spock stopped and nodded. "If he is not snoring, he is not asleep. Do not be fooled, no matter how long he stays still."

"I am forewarned. Thank you, Ambassador. Peace and long life."

"Live long and prosper, Spock."

Spock ended the call and got up, going back through the bathroom quietly to check on Jim. He did not hear snoring, though as predicted, Jim was very still. He stood in the doorway for five minutes before clearing his throat.

"I am aware you are not asleep."

There was no movement, and then a huge sigh. "What tipped you off?"

"From what I have heard through your bathroom door, you snore." Spock folded his hands in front of himself.

"Curses," Jim replied, sitting up. "I have to pee so bad and I'm too chickenshit to do it."

"You resemble the fecal matter of poultry because you do not wish to endure pain? I do not agree. Every sentient being avoids pain when possible." Spock walked over and helped Jim stand. "My offer stands. You may squeeze my forearm when you are in pain and it will not injure me."

They walked into the bathroom and Jim shivered. "Here we go," he sighed as Spock took his place. When it was over, Jim sank down on the toilet and put his head between his knees. Spock became alarmed.

"Jim, stand up. Let me see your urine."

"Gross, dude," Jim chuckled, but stood. Spock looked and shook his head.

"You are not passing as much blood anymore. I believe your injury is healing slowly." The toilet flushed and Spock waited for him to get ready and led him back out. "Do you require pain medication?"

"I hate pain medicine. It makes me loopy and I know you won't believe me but I _despise_ losing control."

Spock inclined his head. "I will admit I am surprised. You held the campus record for several drinking games during your time there. Most still have not been broken to this day. Why would you engage in such behavior if you did not somehow enjoy the results?"

"How in the hell do you know that?" Jim demanded.

"How do I know what? That your records have not been beaten?"

"All of it!" Jim sat on the bed and leaned back on his regenerated arm, causing Spock to wince inwardly.

Spock sat on the bed as well. "Before I accepted the position as First Officer, I researched you thoroughly. It is amazing what people will say in admiration. As for how I know your records have not been beaten, I am still appraised of the 'gossip' on the campus. I ask questions."

"Well you're not the only busybody on this ship. Uhura, or to use your name, _Nyota_, wasn't even an ensign when you two started hanging out as more than just teacher and student. There was an informal pool going as to whether you were bumping uglies. I had down 200 credits that you were."

Spock inhaled slowly and closed his eyes. "Captain, the vulgarity of your implications aside, it is none of your business."

Jim peered over at his friend. "I'm sorry, I get pissy when I'm in pain. I crossed the line, and I'm sorry."

"If you are in pain, why do you not take the medication?"

Jim shrugged. "I'm having more fun talking to you, and I don't want to pass out for the rest of the night. I want to remember this, because it probably won't happen again."

"If I do my job properly, it will not occur again." Spock looked at his knees. "Jim, I wish to share a set of memories with you. Will you please be serious?"

"Of course, Spock. What's up?"

"I wish to show you in a mind meld," Spock explained.

Jim paled. "Uh, I hear those are majorly intense." He remembered the mind meld old Spock had done to him on Delta Vega. He'd never been so shaken before or since.

"They can be. I will be as gentle as I can." Spock turned to face him and raised a hand. When Jim didn't shy away, he connected his fingers and the world dissolved.

_At first, Jim didn't know what to do. He was in darkness, with no body to move. Then a bright flash occurred and Jim saw a beautiful woman standing in front of a kitchen counter. She turned around and held out a plate with a sandwich on it. The crust was cut off and it was cut in triangles. She smiled down. "Here, Spock, will you eat this for me?"_

"_That is my mother," Spock's voice told Jim._

"_She's very pretty," Jim responded, not knowing if Spock could hear him or not._

_The memory faded, and Jim saw a large boy twisting someone's arm. For a Vulcan, he was pretty open emotionally. He had an evil grin on his face._

"_Cease, Sybok. You will not achieve your goal." Young Spock's voice echoed._

"_Perhaps not this way. Perhaps another way." Sybok drew back his fist and punched hard. There was darkness, and when the light returned Spock's mother was kneeling down, one hand covered in green blood. She turned angrily._

"_Sybok, your brother may be half-Vulcan, but he's ten times the Vulcan you are. Go to your room. I'll have words with your father later." She wiped her hand on her dress and reached out again. "Spock, let me see sweetie. You're being so brave. I would be crying if someone hit my nose."_

"_My mother never chided me for showing emotion, nor was she disappointed when I did not. She seemed to love me no matter what I did."_

"_That's what mothers do," Jim explained. "I think it's in their DNA, no matter what species they are."_

_The picture became fuzzy, and there was suddenly a picture of Spock's mother standing with his father. Spock appeared to be watching from behind a chair._

"_I cherish thee, Amanda," Sarek breathed._

"_I love you more," she replied, running a hand across his chest. "Are you disappointed?"_

_Sarek stopped and moved her back so he could look her in the eyes. "Amanda, you gave me our son, at great risk to yourself. I would have welcomed another child, but I am not overly emotional that it will not be."_

"_I remember that," Spock's voice broke in. "I believe my mother miscarried. I was seven years old. I had not accessed this memory since."_

_Jim wanted to squirm. Finally he spoke up. "Spock, this is deathly personal. Is there some reason you're showing me this?"_

"_Unless I bring it forth in a meld, I cannot remember my mother. I cannot recall her alone." Spock's voice sounded broken._

_Jim sighed. "At least you have memories of her," he told his friend._

"_You do not have memories of your father," Spock realized. "How incredibly insensitive of me. Forgive me, Jim." The meld broke apart._


	12. Chapter 12

Jim took in a breath and shook his head. Spock stood quickly and moved away. "I am a fool, Jim. I did not stop to consider all the ramifications of my actions. I saw you as a trusted person I could open up to and did not think of your feelings."

"No, Spock, really, it's cool. I may be jealous but I'm honored you chose to share her with me. She seemed so small standing next to your father. When you grew up you must have been two heads taller than she was." Jim smiled at the other man.

"She stood five feet one inch tall, which I have since discovered is on the lower end of normal for a female human. However, when I was seventeen I was six feet three inches tall already. When she wanted to rearrange my hair, she would stand on her toes and stretch to reach my bangs to exaggerate the height difference." Spock looked down. "It always vexed me that she would dishevel my hair, and yet I would give anything for her to do it again."

Jim looked at his slippers. "In a way, I have it easier than you. I lost my dad, but I never knew him to begin with. You can't miss what you never knew." He looked up. "Any time you want to talk about her, or share a favorite memory, or just see her in a meld, you come and get me." Then he lay back down and closed his eyes. "I think I want that pain medicine now."

Spock nodded and retrieved the hypospray, pressing it against Jim's shoulder. "Sleep now, Jim. I will be here when you awake." Jim nodded off and Spock returned to the computer. He could always begin his next paper. He had this idea about dilithium and the waste product left after it was expended. He began to type.

* * *

The door chimed at 0629 and Spock knew who it was without checking. He straightened his uniform and stepped out of the door into the hallway.

"Hey. How's the captain?" Uhura asked pleasantly.

"I administered his pain medication and he slept for the remainder of the night. He is still asleep at this time. I believe I will have to retrieve his breakfast, since he is neither able to walk to the Mess Hall nor is he capable of handling a tray with his hand in a splint."

Uhura frowned in sympathy. "Poor baby. Well I was thinking we could go get his tray now while he's asleep, and the three of us could eat together in your room."

"The three of us?" Spock repeated. "Very well." They walked to the Mess Hall and Spock got his tray and one for Jim. He paused for a moment, and then ordered bacon for the captain.

"You're letting him eat meat?" Uhura exclaimed.

"He needs nutrients to heal properly," Spock defended himself. Uhura got her tray and they walked through the ship back to Spock's quarters. When they walked in Jim was not in the bed. Spock looked around quickly.

"Jesus Christ, it's like someone's stabbing me in the back! I think I'd rather have had the catheter!" Jim's voice echoed from the bathroom. Spock sighed and put the trays down.

"Captain, we have company."

The toilet flushed and after a couple of minutes Jim's head poked out of the door. "Uh, hi Uhura. Um, I'm sorry. That was crass. I thought … never mind."

"Boys will be boys," she replied. "Your tray is here."

"Oh, thanks." Jim limped out and grabbed a piece of bacon, chomping down. "Mmm, I didn't think I'd see meat until I was released from your tender care, Spock."

"Could you _not_ rub it in his face?" Uhura griped. She took her tray and sat on the bed, eating carefully. Spock sat beside her.

"Why no coffee?" Jim asked curiously.

"Coffee is a diuretic. If your desire is to urinate more frequently, by all means I will retrieve your beverage. However, I believed I was doing you a favor by sparing you that experience." Spock looked at his captain and Jim could swear he was amused. Then his right eyebrow migrated upward and Jim _knew_ he was.

"Okay, so no coffee. But milk? It's … it's so … _healthy_," Jim complained.

"Eat your meal, Jim." Spock returned to his food but every once in a while Jim would look up at the same time as Spock and Jim would smile for no reason. Uhura gritted her teeth and remembered that she couldn't knock their heads together no matter how blind they were.

Uhura began imagining herself as the heroine in a movie about two completely idiotic men who were in love with each other and were too stupid to figure it out. She figured she was halfway through the storyline, and that any scene now she would be released back to her duties as the best friend and the lovebirds would live happily ever after.

Suddenly, the video daydream gave her an idea. "Spock, can I talk to the captain privately about a concern?" Jim had adopted an open-door policy with his crew. They could come to him with a concern and he would listen with no judgments. Uhura had never used the policy but this could be her lucky break.

Spock stood immediately. "Certainly, Lieutenant. I will have my communicator should you need me. Excuse me." He left quickly.

Uhura sighed and put her tray on the desk. "I don't know how to tell you this," she began.

Jim wiped his mouth with the napkin and shrugged. "Take your time, Uhura. Just get comfy and let it out naturally." He stood to take his tray to the desk and Uhura took it from him gently. "Thanks," he told her, starting to become worried.

She sat and crossed her legs, bouncing her foot. "It's personal," she finally began.

"Okay," Jim responded. "Would you be more comfortable talking to Dr. McCoy?"

"No, I think you need to hear this," she insisted. She arched her back and looked at her nails. "Spock is in love."

Jim nodded mutely. Finally he answered aloud. "Yeah, I figured as much. I'm happy for you, I really am."

"No," she broke in. "It's not with me."

Jim did a double-take. "But … are you broken up?"

She shook her head. "Not yet. He hasn't acknowledged that he's in love, and I'm not about to force his hand. But we're basically in a holding pattern, and if something goes wrong between now and … whenever I finally make my move," she continued awkwardly, "then I want someone to be there for him. He doesn't have a lot of friends. He's just getting close to Leonard – Dr. McCoy," she corrected herself. "But he's really close to you and if he needs help I want you to say you'll be there for him."

Jim felt his stomach knot up. He'd never pictured Spock as being someone who would cheat on his girlfriend, and yet he was keeping her in a relationship when he clearly desired someone else. Jim felt disappointed, and betrayed, even though it wasn't his relationship that was falling apart. Finally he realized Uhura was waiting for a response.

"I told him once that he's like a brother to me, and I meant it. But I'm worried for you too, Uhura. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want me to talk to him? Not professionally, but as friends?"

Uhura smiled sadly. "Captain … Jim. You've done a lot for me already. You've been supportive of me and Spock professionally and as a friend, and it's meant a lot to me. All you can do now is just be there for Spock when it's all over. Be his friend."

Jim nodded. "Uhura, I'm so sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong. I know that, and you should know that." She got up and stacked the trays together. "I have to be on the bridge in fifteen minutes. Thanks for listening, Captain." She walked out confidently. Jim lay on his back and stared at the ceiling until he heard Spock come back in.

"Captain?"

Jim _hummed._ "Hey Spock, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Of course. How may I assist you?" Spock stood before the prone man.

Jim raised his head for a moment. "This is _mano-a-mano_, not business."

"Very well. May I sit?" Spock requested. Jim agreed and Spock sat at the desk.

The captain rolled over and slowly raised himself to a sitting position. "Uh, I need advice," Jim began hesitantly. When Spock nodded he went on. "What would you do if a guy was dating a girl but he was in love with another girl and he wasn't being honest with either one of them?"

"Does the situation exist on this ship or are you posing a hypothetical situation?"

"It exists on the ship," Jim replied. Wow. Spock didn't even flinch at the topic. Either he had no conscience when it came to matters of the heart, or he didn't realize what he was doing was wrong.

"Fascinating. Has the wronged party approached you for mediation, or are you wishing to step in as a concerned observer?" Spock seemed curious about the situation.

"No. Spock," Jim exclaimed, "it's you and Uhura. She came to me and she told me she knows you're in love with someone else and I think it's really tearing her apart and for gods' sakes man, she deserves better than this. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Spock's eyes flashed with anger and Jim leaned back. "I do not believe this is any of your responsibility or business and I insist you cease your discussion of it forthwith." Spock turned his head away.

Jim felt his hackles rise up. "Back up, mister. If it's going to affect the running of this ship then it's every _bit_ my business. Uhura came to me as a friend but if I have to step in as a captain I will. You and I are buddies but I still outrank you."

"What do you intend to do, Captain? Order me to change partners? Force me to cease an emotional response for anyone but Lieutenant Uhura? You can no more enforce that my feelings change than you could order this third individual to care for me in return. For all your showmanship, in this case you are completely impotent, Jim."

Jim softened a bit. "So this other chick doesn't love you back?"

Spock tilted his head. "It could be construed in that manner."

"Oh. So, you're admitting it's true?"

There was silence. "Yes, Jim. I have feelings for someone other than Lieutenant Uhura."

The younger man looked down. "What do you plan to do?"

The Vulcan closed his eyes for a brief moment. "I do not know, Jim. I had hoped this dalliance would run its course and I would remain with Nyota. However, according to you she is already aware of the conundrum and has experienced difficulties because of it. I now must either release her and put my energy into pursuing this other partner or I must pretend my affections were never questioned and devote myself to Nyota again."

Jim groaned. "Spock, this isn't a mathematical equation. The two sides aren't necessarily balanced. It's not even something as simple as science. It's going to be very messy and no matter what you do, someone's going to get hurt. But honestly, it's time to shit or get off the pot."

"Excuse me?" Spock responded after a moment.

"_Do something!_" Jim hollered. "Go after door number two or man up and stay with Uhura, but do it!"


	13. Chapter 13

"Very well," Spock replied woodenly. "I have made my decision."

Jim was silent for a long while, then he looked over. "Can I ask?"

"You _may _ask," Spock replied. "I have decided to rededicate my attention to Lieutenant Uhura. She has been a faithful partner for twenty-three Standard months. If she wishes, I am not opposed to continuing our arrangement."

"Stop, I'm gonna cry," Jim griped sarcastically. "Romantic. So what are you going to tell the other girl?"

"Which other female?" Spock replied without thinking. "Other female," he repeated suddenly. "I will not be required to inform the third party. Their affection was never verified."

"You went through all of this and you don't know if the other chick likes you?" Jim was amazed.

"Have you never found yourself in a similar predicament?" Spock posed.

Jim shook his head. "Believe it or not, no I haven't. I've dumped a girl for another girl, but I've never dated one while pining after another."

"May I ask a personal query?" began the First Officer.

"Ask and ye shall receive," Jim replied.

Spock took a moment to process that before continuing. "Precisely how many romantic partners have you been involved with?"

Jim paused. "What are you aiming for here, anyone I've dated or women I've slept with?"

"Is there a difference?"

There was a cough. "Uh, yeah, there's a difference. Big one. I think at last count I've dated 24 girls. But I can guaran-damn-tee you I didn't sleep with all of them."

"With how many have you engaged in relations?" Spock pressed.

"I'm gonna answer this because you're my friend, but if you were just my second-in-command I'd tell you to take a walk out an airlock without a suit. I've slept with six people." Jim took off his hand brace and began to rub the flesh gently.

"Take a walk out an – you would not have answered this were we not in a platonic relationship?"

"How many people have _you_ slept with?" Jim shot back. When Spock's eyes grew big and he looked away Jim nodded. "Yeah, you don't want to talk about it either. I make my point."

Spock's computer chimed for an incoming call and Spock bent over to answer it. When he did, he straightened immediately.

"Admiral Pike, sir." Spock saluted.

"At ease, Spock. I'm not recording you. Is Jim still there with you?"

"Yes sir. One moment." Spock turned and helped Jim off the bed and over to the desk.

"Hey Chris, what's up?" Jim waved casually.

"Still not at 100%, are you, kiddo?" Pike asked him. "I've got some news concerning your invisible evil henchman. You know how everyone bets on everything these days?"

"Yeah, I've placed a couple of wagers in my time," Jim responded.

Pike leaned forward. "There's a pool on how long it's going to take for something to take you out mid-mission."

Jim rubbed his eyes. "I can believe it. But that's still a long way from doing something real about it."

"You intend to inform us that staff at the Admiralty are wagering on the demise of Captain Kirk?" Spock was appalled.

Pike shook his head. "I don't think it's real, Spock, I think it's sort of tongue-in-cheek. Aw, now, don't make that face," he told the Vulcan. "I'm sorry, Spock. If it makes you feel any better, they've got one for you too."

"I do not wish to know," Spock began, but Jim perked up.

"What is it?" Jim demanded, excited.

"They want to know in what year will Spock finally snap and go after you again." Pike gave a bemused sigh.

Jim looked at his First Officer. "Hey Chris. Put me down for the fifth year."

"Fifth? Why that late?" Pike responded, making a note on a padd.

"You are wagering on your own ill fortune?" Spock exclaimed.

Jim strapped his brace back on. "By the time Spock realizes _half_ of the shit I'm getting away with, the cruise will probably be two weeks to the end." The two humans laughed.

Spock straightened and put his hands behind his back. "Admiral, if you have any further information regarding the possible saboteurs of this mission, please inform me now. Otherwise, I will leave you two to your fraternal camaraderie." His voice was ice.

Jim turned around slowly, raising his azure eyes to meet the dark brown ones above him. There was a heavy silence punctuated by the breathing of the men.

"Chris, can I –?"

"Sure. Later." The screen changed to the confirmation logo and Jim shut the machine off. "Have a seat, Spock." Spock rigidly sat on the bed and Jim turned to face him. "Now, you're pretty pissed right now and _no,_" Jim steamrolled over his objection, "don't tell me you're not. I'm saying you are, and I'm going to tell you why. You're pissed because you don't like me being buddy-buddy with Admiral Pike."

"Captain, that is not – "

"Hush. I'm going to let you in on a little secret, Spock. Pike and I have this worked out already. If he's in a good mood he calls me Jim. If I'm in a good mood I call him Chris. But if either of us calls for business reasons, on the bridge or on a private line, we go by rank and name, and that tells us to straighten up." Jim drummed his fingers on the desk.

"Captain Kirk, may I speak freely?"

Jim waved his hand and leaned back in his seat.

Spock inhaled slowly. "I am not concerned with your familiarity with Admiral Pike. The admiral mentored you into Starfleet and has followed your career very closely. It was his foresight that allowed you to ultimately take control of the _Enterprise_ and save the Federation. I expect you to be close to him." He paused.

"However," he continued, "I will react with great displeasure when you wager on the termination of your life. I grant you that it is an inevitability in our chosen careers, but not at my hands, and not nearly as casually as you predict. Whatever strikes down Captain James T. Kirk will have a bounty on its head from across the galaxy. You will be mourned and you will be remembered. And more than likely your death will not be in vain; you will undoubtedly perish saving another's life."

Jim sat still, studying the carpet. "Jeez, Spock. I had no idea."

"You respond to death so callously, even for a human. One would be hard pressed not to draw the conclusion that you in some way welcome it as early as possible." Spock raised an eyebrow. "Do you?"

"Do I … welcome death at the first opportunity?" Jim knotted his hands in his lap and looked down at them. "Not per se. But I _am_ George Kirk's son. I know my days are limited."

Spock stiffened to attention. "Then I shall devote my career to ensuring your survival."

"Why does it really matter?" Jim asked offhand.

"My captain does not believe in no-win scenarios. I owe him the same courtesy."

Jim laughed. "Okay. If it gives you some perverted sense of purpose to keep my sorry ass alive, go for it, Spock. I certainly won't stop you."


	14. Chapter 14

Jim recuperated from his injuries and was back hard at work a month later. Everything seemed to have gone back to the status quo, but little did Jim know Spock was hard at work too, devising a plan to keep Captain Kirk alive through the five year mission. The only outward sign was the sudden pairing of the two; _Jim Kirk had a First Officer, his skin was white as snow, and everywhere that Jim Kirk went, the Vulcan was sure to go._ At first it irritated the daylights out of the senior officer. But slowly he became accustomed to it, which led him to want it, which led to some very interesting scenarios later in the cruise.

* * *

"Hold my hand," Jim whispered.

"Certainly, Captain."

Spock took the unaffected appendage in his and waited for the bone-crushing squeeze it was sure to receive during this treatment. He nodded his readiness to the doctor.

McCoy deftly snapped the captain's shoulder back in the socket with a _crack_, and Jim promptly went several shades whiter and took a shaky breath. He didn't dare scream; the natives were still looking for them. McCoy wiped the cold sweat off Jim's forehead and noticed Spock hadn't let go of Jim's hand yet. Thinking he expected Jim to still be in terrific pain, the doctor leaned in to reassure the officer.

"Spock," he breathed, "you can let go now. Jim's probably in less pain now than he was before I reduced the shoulder."

Spock looked down at the joined hands and then, in a move that was sheer defiance, placed his other hand over Jim's.

"Okay, have it your way," the medic muttered. "He won't appreciate it when he comes back from wherever he goes when he's hurt." He lay down in the mossy growth of the cave floor and closed his eyes. "Wake me if he needs something," he ordered.

Spock settled on his haunches and let his night vision compensate as the twin suns set on the horizon. As the unfamiliar night began to encompass the stranded crew, Spock could hear muttering. He leaned in to find Jim was talking to himself softly.

"... code one, one A, two B. Spock, First Officer, code one, one B, two B, three. Destruct sequence engaged. Awaiting final code. Code zero, zero – "

Spock put his hand over Jim's mouth very cautiously, making sure not to cover the nostrils as well. Jim was reciting the destruct sequence to the _Enterprise,_ which was a command secret known only to the officers entrusted with each piece of the code. Certainly not something you want an enemy combatant to hear. Was Jim delirious? His emotional state seemed to be "terrified", from what Spock was reading through their skin-to-skin contact. He crouched down to whisper in Jim's ear.

"Captain? Are you in distress?"

He raised his hand slowly and listened. Jim had stopped reciting the self-destruct sequence but was now speaking in rhyming sentences. Considering it wasn't classified information and it was still under Jim's breath so it wouldn't attract attention, Spock left his hand away from his mouth and leaned in to listen.

"... the love we share seems to go nowhere and I've lost my light for I toss and turn I can't sleep at night. Once I ran to you, now I run from you. This tainted love you've given, I give you all a boy could give you, take my tears and that's not nearly all …."

"Jim?" Spock tried after a minute. "What are you reciting, Jim? Is this a letter you have written someone? Is this from a novel or video?"

Jim's recitation faltered and his eyes opened for a moment. "No. It's a song from the 1980s."

"Are you cognizant, Jim?"

"Listen," Jim whispered, "if we don't get out of this, I need you to know something, Spock."

"Shh, Captain, you will survive this. Commander Scott is undoubtedly searching for us at this very moment."

"Spock, listen." Jim's voice was stronger now and Spock involuntarily hissed at his commanding officer to lower it again. "Listen," Jim repeated softer. "I love you, Spock. I've given up on you ever loving me back, but I will never give up my love for you. Not everything is the same in the two universes, and that's okay. But if you ever need anything, even if it's just a friendly ear, you tell me." He sighed. "Okay, I can die now. You know." He closed his eyes and for a moment Spock was concerned that the leader would actually expire on command.

"Jim," Spock breathed. "I do not know how to respond. I cannot be certain you are fully coherent or that you intended to say what you have said, so hear me now. If this was truly your intention, please repeat this to me after this mission is complete. I will consider it a pain-induced hallucination otherwise."

Jim squeezed his hand, never opening his eyes. "You do what you have to, Spock."

Spock opened his mouth to answer when a familiar whine and dancing lights enveloped the two men. As they disappeared, Spock wondered if Jim would even remember their conversation. Jim might not, but Spock would. He would for a very long time.

* * *

A/N: My dearest mockingbirdhill was not physically able to check this story, but she heard its plot several times over. I know she supports it in her spirit. Lyrics to R.E.M., Genesis, and Soft Cell belong to their respective groups. I do not own their music. This is not the end; there is another "prequel" after this. Stay tuned, ladies and gentlebeings!


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